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  • About
    • Monthly Mission
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  • Employee Appreciation
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    • Comments

Why it is essential to minimize the impact of technology

5/17/2020

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Amidst the chaos around us, have you ever thought about the impact of technology that has set up on all of us? Sadly, we don’t even have time to think about this. Occupied with our busiest daily routines of work and social life, the idea of self-time has bottled out from our minds. And while enjoying all the charm and advantages technology has provided, our eyes lack to see the negative effects it is imprinting on our healthy lifestyle.

Impact of technology on human life

There is no debate on the advantages and facilities that the modern world is serving us, and we should be thankful for the advancements of the 21st century that has open doors for us to enjoy the thrill of technology to its fullest. Apart from the entertainment, news, information, and games, the technology has assigned a vast number of global facilities just on our fingertips, whether it be education, employment, business, banking, shopping, food, and the list goes on. In these ways, technology is on the verge of having a complete hold of our lives, and whether we like it or not, we are getting dependent upon it with each passing day.

Despite all the ease, joy, and comfort, technology has also developed negative effects on our minds by disturbing our health and lifestyle. It has become a source of depression, stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation, and loneliness in today’s era. The importance of maintaining social connections has made us forget the true essence of moral relationships, and we have lost ourselves in the way of conquering technology.

But there is one thing that everyone should keep themselves reminded with, that a human brain is a master of everything. It is the human who invented the technology, and it must be kept under human hold for better purposes. Because it is quite apparent that if we let technology get a grip on us, we will be at our wits’ end.

Dealing with technology in the right manner is quite sensitive in today’s environment. But it is very much essential to give valuable time to yourself and morally connect with people around while enjoying the perks of technology in the best manner. Because it is significant for a healthy lifestyle and a healthy mind to focus on the real world more than the digital world.

Importance of unplugging technology
Having a part of a day without any use of electronic devices will benefit not only us but the future generation as well. For example, the time you give your children while performing different activities with them, such as playing, gardening, solving puzzles, cooking, and reading will be much more valuable and worthy than the thousand dollars I pad that you have gifted your child on his birthday.
Here are the few more reasons that will help us to get less effected with technology.

Self-care and comfort
It won’t be wrong if I say reducing screen time is equivalent to self-care and comfort. The deep dark world of social media has fallen upon us like a threaten lightning in the night. We get stressed over fun activities and tours others are doing by keeping their social accounts up to date while we sit on our couches and get bored of ourselves. Unplugging from the phone, especially from social media, will help you to care about your well-being rather than being stressed on someone else’s.

Healthy lifestyle
Scrolling through phones and I pads while lying on the bed all day long or spending 8 hours of a day in front of screens while working in an office will eventually lead to several health problems along with weak eye sights as well. It is significant for a human body to release strains on muscles that have been produced while working in the same position for hours. A little time you take out for jogging, walking, cycling, and exercising will be the time worth the day spend in front of the screen.

Stress-free environment
Unplugging the phone will help you to focus on the blessings you possess rather than comparing your life to others on social media. There is always a dark side of the story, which people do not highlight on social media. And quite often, we stress ourselves out by thinking of the perfections people possess and get envious of their success stories.
So it is better to work on ourselves rather than comparing our life to others.

Better mental health
Technology has triggered a sense of competition above the adrenaline level. And this is the reason why the majority of this generation is suffering from depression and anxiety. The lack of self-love and appreciation has lost in the thirst of getting superior to each other. Therefore it is necessary to minimize screen time up to the right level and focus on meditation, which will help in better mental health.

Time to discover your hidden talent
Giving less time to social media, video games, or movies will provide you with ample time to work on yourself and be creative. You can discover your hidden talents, or you can learn new skills to help you become a better person. And the time taken out for yourself is always worth anything.

Reduce procrastination
Unplugging technology will help in reducing procrastination. You can focus on your studies or your work with a full presence of mind at the right place at the right time. Lengthy and time-consuming tasks can be completed early by keeping phones aside as compared to the hours it takes working on while using phones.

Better sleeping hours
It has been our routine to scroll through phones while we get to bed for sleep. And as a result, we lose the fraction of time that is needed for better sleep. We are not even aware of the disturbance that we create for the biological clock of our bodies. Thus phones, I pads, laptops should be kept far enough to enjoy a peaceful sleep.

Strengthen moral connections
Spending time with loved ones by limiting the screen times will help strengthen the proper connections with family and friends. People will care about the real feelings and problems of their closed ones rather than caring for the fake life that they portray on social media. A healthy relationship between parents, children, spouses, siblings, and friends will create a better environment to live in.
 
A healthy lifestyle and technology can never run equivalent in the race of life. Priority should be given to a healthy lifestyle while disconnecting from technology to have numerous benefits on various aspects of life. To minimize the negative impacts of technology, we can always focus on the realistic goals and ambitions that we desire to fulfill. To create a valuable change in our health and lifestyle, minute changes in the habits of using technology should be made possible. It will be something your future self will be thanking you for.
 
By Rabia Salman
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How to Find Your Happy in a Sea of Chaos

4/18/2020

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It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated with the world these days. Your daily routine, career, and social life have been hindered and emotions are running higher than ever before. The kids are home, your spouse may or may not be home (both of which can be challenges in themselves), and privacy or alone time seem like luxuries of the past! 

You’ve been taking care of everyone else in your family. Despite the chaos abounding each day, you’ve been homeschooling the kids and trying to keep their routine as best as possible, working from home, keeping the house in order, cooking, cleaning...the list goes on and on! Without a doubt, you’ve been doing this without a care of how you feel or what you need, and it has started to weigh you down. 

NOW, it is time for you to break through the gloom and take care of yourself. That’s right, I’m asking you to be a little selfish from now on and put your mindset and needs on the priorities list, too. After all, how can you be expected to keep everyone else at bay, when you’re close to falling apart yourself? 

Changing your mindset can help lower the emotional stress you’re feeling during this tough time and find your peace and happiness. 
Fear is an absolutely natural response to what is going on in the world today, and the best you can do right now is try to stay positive and change your mindset.

Rather than focusing on all the work that’s not getting done and the vacations that are being canceled, try to focus on the positive.

We finally have time to learn that new skill we’ve been meaning to.

We finally have the perfect time to read that new book that has been sitting on the shelf.
We finally have time to tuck the kids into bed, have breakfast and dinner as a family, and spend quality time together.

It’s easy to focus on the negatives-- fear tends to pervade all thoughts.
BUT, if we shift our thinking a little and instead focus on the positive things we can gain from all of this time, it will make these next few weeks more bearable and maybe even something you look back on fondly as a family.

Deep breathing can be a key component to a healthy mind and staying mentally sound.
When we focus on the way we breathe, our body sends a message to the brain to simply “relax.” 

When we reach a state of relaxation, our heart rate slows down, our muscles become relaxed, there is a decrease in blood pressure, and increased levels of nitric oxide. 
30 minutes of breathing exercises a day can help reduce anxiety, sleep, manage cravings, and control or reduce anger responses. 

Sounds amazing doesn’t it? Welcome to your happy place!

It may be difficult to keep to the things you love during tough times, but it is important to keep your life balanced and as normal as possible. If you have hobbies that you used to do on the regular-- baking, playing a sport, gardening-- make sure you take some time out of the day to keep doing them! Even with the little ones home, you can easily make time by doing one of two things:

  • Establish “YOU TIME”-- whatever amount you can fit in-- be it 30 minutes or 2 hours. Tell your kids they are to not bother you, give them daily “screen time” (TV, iPad, computer, video games, etc), and go do what makes you happy!

OR

  • Have your kids partake in your hobbies. Love gardening? Have the little ones go out into the garden with you and pick vegetables, help plant, water, etc. Love baking? Let them help you bake a cake or try a new recipe. This can be a fantastic time for you to spend together and you can even turn it into a teaching moment! 

Lastly, don’t forget to care for yourself. Rather than sitting around and binge-watching TV all day (even though we can all argue that is a type of relaxation), make sure you take time to exercise, take a walk outside with the dog, take breaks from watching the news, and remind yourself why isolation and self-quarantine are important right now-- to keep those most vulnerable, healthy and safe.

You need  some help figuring out the best self-care routine and checking out options in the store. Stay healthy friends and remember to take some time to remember yourself!


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Get healthy, Stay Healthy

4/16/2020

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Health is the truest wealth in life!!

I'm excited to introduce our first guest post, my good friend and holistic Chiropractor, Christy Matusiak.  Christy is absolutely fantastic at what she does and the provides a true natural approaches to healing, wellness and continued care.  Enjoy friends and stay well!
Hello!  As Jen mentioned, I am a holistic Chiropractic Physician with my practice in Wilmette, IL.  My practice is specialized treating a variety of patients and conditions, all with the goal of stimulating healing from within without the use of prescription drugs or surgery.  My passion lies in helping men, women, and children overcome ANY health challenge naturally!!!  In this blog, I will be sharing my tips, tricks and secrets to achieving health in all areas of your life.  Each month I will put out content for your reading pleasure to educate the you on ways to enhance your health nutritionally, physically, and emotionally!  

So, in keeping this first one short and sweet, I wanted to encourage you to think about your goals.  Health goals, mostly…but the following suggestions can apply to all areas of your life.  So don’t limit yourself!

  1. WRITE OUT YOUR GOALS
    • I encourage you to spend some time pondering what you really want to accomplish.  Think through your answers, and make them empowering but realistic.  Who are you now?  Who do you need to become to achieve your plans?  As human beings, we strive to be consistent with who we are.  For example, if one identifies as a smoker, they may have a goal to quit…but until they identify as a non-smoker, their subconscious mind will strive to revert back to who they “are” to remain congruent.  
    • Writing your goals out also has power.  I highly recommend reading, meditating and visualizing with them daily so they become engrained in your nervous system. 
 
  1. FIND YOUR WHY
    • Goals and aspirations are great.   They are what propel us forward in life and work on continuing to improve ourselves.  But if you don’t have a compelling “why,” the likelihood of accomplishing them is much lower.  You may need to ask “why?” several times before getting to the deepest level of what is going to inspire you. 
    • Here’s my example…after being in fantastic shape, eating clean for years, and running the Chicago marathon in 2009, I had 3 kids that changed my hormones and my body significantly.  I don’t expect to get back to that size again.  But I would still like to lose some more weight.  Why? à I want to wear smaller clothing sizes.  Why? à I want to feel good in anything I wear.  Why? à I want to feel confident when I look in the mirror. Why? à I want to feel good and strong when working with patients.  Why? à I want to be able to inspire them to be the best version of themselves.  Why? à I want to strive to make the world a healthier place. 
    • Ask why until you can’t go any further.  Then instead of focusing on the initial goal that you can easily talk yourself out of when confronted with a challenge, focus on that truest “why.”  And it will help you get there. 
 
  1.  SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
    • I talk a lot about putting the right things in your body to support optimal healing…supplements, food, remedies.  But we often forget that what we put in our mind is equally, if not MORE important.  I suggest you take a look at what you listen to on a daily basis.  Do you listen to the news?  Radio?  To/with whom do you talk regularly?  Are they empowering your spirit or providing a negative influence?  I have become very intentional about what I choose to listen to that I hardly turn on the radio or television anymore.  Find a motivational podcast or speaker to listen to.  Or develop a playlist of centering music that uplifts you.  Get into that unstoppable energy and mindset daily!
I am excited for the opportunity to reach you in this manner!  I look forward to helping you on your journey towards healing, one step at a time!  If you want more frequent content, please consider subscribing to my YouTube channel “Dr. Christy Cares,” where I provide short videos weekly on all topics health and wellness related!  Sending the world love and strength always!  ~
 
Yours in health,
Dr. Christy Matusiak
 

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Anxiety Tip #2

12/27/2019

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Alright friends, it’s time for another anxiety tip…#2!

In my last post, tip #1, I shared the importance of recognizing when anxiety shows up.  I’m hoping by now all of you have started taking notes in your journals with the points I mentioned, trust me friends, when you start noting the when, where and how things show up it becomes very clear. 

So, tip two, the food you eat… 

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you know I am a former obese woman.  I was heavy for most of my growing up years into my early twenties.  Although I have put back on a small amount of the weight, I have maintained a 130-pound weight loss for over two decades.  And, darn proud of this one!  What I didn’t know for many many years was how impactful the food I was eating was on my anxiety.  What I also wasn’t aware of until the last couple years was the impact of food on depression. 

Looking back to your journals for a moment, review if you have times your anxiety is sparked after eating.  If it is, look at the foods you ate.   Are there consistencies?  Now I am no medical practitioner, but I can tell you, I have at least four foods I can think of quickly that spark my anxiousness and one of them is considered a “healthy food”.  For a long time, I thought, well it’s because I don’t want to go backwards in my weight goals but considering I can eat a burger and sweet potato fries with no sign of anxiety I ruled that out quickly.

The four that impact me quickly, Roasted Almonds (raw almonds do not trigger me?).   This one took me to a while to pinpoint but after tracking how my foods were making me feel it became very clear.  The other three definitely make sense considering they are far from healthy foods, most refined sugars (of course I think we can all agree that sugars are not exactly good for us), pizza (I figured for a long time that this was due to the bread but bread in itself isn’t a trigger for me so it may be the high sodium content?) and Splenda.  Oh, and most recently I was triggered quite significantly by what I thought was a healthy option for a protein bar. 

What do the experts say, you ask?  Well, from the research I found there are some consistencies but also some differences.  The top that came out in all the articles I read:
  • Caffeine (I believe this one is all about moderation)
  • Refined Sugars-let’s face it, there is no part to refined sugars that are good for us and although I do believe it is OK to indulge on occasion be prepared for how it is going to make you feel
  • Alcohol
  • Aged, fermented or cultured foods
  • Soda (diet too) whether it is refined sugar or fake sugar they will impact you
  • Energy Drinks
  • Processed foods; additives, preservatives, flours and sugars are the primary drivers of this one
  • Gluten and toast were on a couple of the lists; as I mentioned earlier, this is one that I am not always impacted by
  • Fruit juice
  • Fried food
  • Dairy-this is another that had conflicting information which I will come back to.  My recommendation be aware of yourself, your body and how you feel.  I am triggered by some dairy and not by others.
  • Foods high in sodium-this is one I am newly watching as I had not been as in tune to it in the past.  I may have more to come here.
If you are anything like me, you may be thinking, shit, what can I eat, right?  Well, as I have said, pay attention to your body and how you feel, that is your biggest indicator. 
Natural whole foods, grass fed meat, fruits and vegetables are always the healthiest options!

Finally, let’s look at the other side, what foods are good to reduce anxiety?
  • Turkey and foods high in tryptophan
  • Brazil nuts-let me tell you friends these nuts are yummy!!  They contain Selenium which is good for improving mode and reducing inflammation
  • Beef and foods rich in Vitamin B
  • Fatty Fish-salmon, mackerel, sardines, trout, and herring.  These are all high in Omega 3 and good for mental health.  My personal favorite on these is salmon, I can’t speak much for the taste of the other three.
  • Complex Carbohydrates-as you may recall I mentioned gluten in the triggers.  Complex carbs such as whole grains, whole wheat bread or brown rice can help increase serotonin production in the brain helping mood.
  • Vitamin D!   Yes, get more sun and supplement when you need to.  If you struggle with depression in the winter check out sun lights, I recently learned of these and from what I have researched they mimic the sun light.  More to come on these in a future post.
  • Eggs-great for vitamin D, Protein and serotonin
  • Pumpkin Seeds-good source of potassium and zinc
  • Dark Chocolate (higher percentage the healthier)
  • Tumeric-The active ingredient in Tumeric, Curcumin, may help reduce inflammation
  • Chamomile
  • Yogurt-as I mentioned earlier this one conflicts with the dairy mentioned earlier.  Apparently, there is research on this that the bacteria is helpful for positive impact on the brain
So, there you have it friends, ideas and suggestions for what to avoid and what to try to balance you out from anxiety.  We are NOT all created equally what one of you find to work well the other may be triggered by and vice versa.  Journal, pay attention to your body, and adjust until you find that sweet-spot with which foods are right for you!

Stay well!!
Jen
 

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Anxiety Tip #1

11/30/2019

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For those of you who have followed me for any amount of time you know I have worked hard to move past my anxiety. After years of letting it build, it took a long time, literally years undoing all the unhealthy, negative self-talk I had in my head.
First, you should know, anxiety shows up for all of us. Even after you have worked on it, there could be something that sparks you or perhaps, health reason because you added edginess. The difference is when you have worked through it you have the chance to redirect it a lot faster. Before I started turning things around, it is fair to say I had a certain anxiousness about me almost all the time. Through time I was able to shake it off after a couple hours, and now, I can generally turn it around within minutes. I say generally my friends, we ALL have bad days.

I decided to start a round of Anxiety Tip blogs and will keep it going for as long as I have tips to share. You will get at least one a week, at times more. Hoping these mini tips help turn your anxiousness/anxiety to build a happier, healthier YOU!! You are worth it my friends.

Start a journal, I know what you are thinking but stay with me a minute.

One very important thing to determine before you can turn it around is when it shows up. Even for me, someone who had anxiousness almost all the time, I needed to pinpoint when/why it was showing up. Of course, there are different things that spark anxiety, at least for me, but there is usually one underlying cause. For me it truly was a lack of self-confidence and positive self-efficacy.

In your journal I recommend the following:
  • How do you feel when you wake up? Are there certain thoughts that come to you in the morning? Just pay attention to what naturally shows up and make a quick note in your journal.
  • Throughout the day pay attention to things that “spark” your anxiousness/anxiety and write them down. Include as many details as possible in this one. Who you were with, where you were, etc.…?
  • After meals make a note if it sparked anything, if it did, also note what you ate.
  • At the end of the day before you go to bed, make another note, reflect on the day. If there were any other points that sparked your anxiety, write it down.
Give yourself a good week, then look back and note any commonalities in your days. Write down if there are foods that spark your anxiety. Make a note if there are certain people that get you anxious. Look at the times, are there patterns? Once you have these triggers noted you will be better able to change what you need to.

I recommend continuing to journal at least until you start seeing the patterns shifting. After that point, I still highly recommend it but adding in more then just when anxiety was sparked.

Till the next tip my friends…

Jen

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The Power of Music!

8/18/2019

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When I was in college, we did project in psychology class about how music impacted the mind, thoughts, emotions and body.  I remember doing this project very clearly and recall the noticeable reactions to a variety of genres of music.  It was interesting at the time but after that study was complete, paper was written, and we were onto the next project I hadn’t given it much more thought.   I reflect on music today; it plays a big role in how I manage my energy and mood.   And, as I’ve overcome each of my struggles from overthinking and over stressing to anxiety and depression, music has also played a large role. 

In my career I often get the opportunity to go out to customer sites.  It is by far the most engaging and most enjoyable aspect of what I do.  Interacting with people, building relationships and helping find a solution to their issues.  But, as with many of us, I have my days.  You know the ones where you just want to keep your yoga pants on, curl up with a warm drink and a good movie or book.  Or, those days that you’re just not feeling quite like yourself.  For me, when these days show up the right music can completely shift my mood.  In this case, for me, it’s always upbeat, car thumping kind of music. You know what I’m talking about.  It’s that music that you can hear from another car away.  And, yes, my friends I am that person you see dancing away while she’s driving.  This type of empowering music can completely help shift my mood and take me from feeling like I have to fake a smile for the day to a true sense of joy and optimism.   A couple of my favorite go to’s are “Roar” and “This is Me.” 

Then there is the workout music.  I’ve really shifted in this area throughout the years.   I used to be a morning and news treadmill runner followed by light weights.  In fact, I don’t remember listening to music hardly ever when I worked out.  My music time was generally after my workout as I was getting ready for work.  Through the years that shifted to podcasts and audio-books which I’ve now learned negatively impacted my workouts.  I focused more on learning and not enough on my muscles and what I was doing in the gym.   And now, it’s primarily me and my thoughts, hitting a quick hard workout to optimize and move on with the day.  When I take a long workout, added cardio or need some ass kicking in my workout, that’s right I am turning it on and turning it up.   I am so diverse on this one, I can do anything from “Welcome to the Jungle” to “Eye of the Tiger” and so many in between.  The best way I can describe these, they just get my blood pumping.

Then there is the good old, working around the house music.  If I’m at home, I’m working around the house on something.  Whether I’m shooting some new pictures for the website, designing new packages, working on content for one of the businesses in some form or fashion, or doing housework around the house.   I generally have music on.   It’s funny, as I sit and write this post, I recognize the true diverseness in music that I enjoy.  I can go from 60’s and 70’s, to 80’s and 90’s depending on my day and mood.  And, each makes me feel very differently, there is the music that calms and brings a sense of Zen, then there is the music that is truly motivating and gives me energy to get things done.  And, yes, you’ll often hear my voice singing throughout it all too. 

From the other side, there is music that can truly take me into a loop of negative thoughts or even depressed moods.   The more I started working on my emotional well-being the more I started recognizing what music caused me negative thoughts.  Pay close attention to this one my friends.  I can now catch when something doesn’t feel right and quickly shift it but it took time.  Once you’re aware of it it’s easier to catch.

Not only can it help turn around your mood, but it can reduce stress and help calm, reduce anxiety and even motivate.  There are also documented benefits of improved cognition to improving memory.  So, grab your playlist and start leveraging those benefits a great song can do for you!

Stay well my friends!

Jen 

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When anxiety shows up...

7/7/2019

4 Comments

 
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Sitting in my office earlier in the week, I had a lot on my mind, but it was a GREAT morning so far.  Some easy movement on the rebounder, stretches, then getting ready to go while dancing to the oldies, yes, I’m that girl.   I was even able to get some writing done on the book before leaving for work, great morning!  Then, traffic was decent, so I was at my office more than a half hour early which was great.   I was able to get all my follow-ups and emails done before the team even made it in, WIN!!  Within the next hour, I felt it, it hit me so quick, if you’ve ever had an anxiety attack, you know the feeling I’m talking about.  That feeling, for me at least, that starts in my gut.  I feel like I can't even take a deep breath, then start breathing through my chest rather than my belly which makes it even worse.  My chest feels tight as though someone is sitting on it and my throat tightens.  An uncomfortable tingly feeling stems from my belly right up my neck.  It feels completely uncontrollable, then the heartburn kicked in.  You should know, I don't get heartburn aside from when I am anxious.  In this moment it was hitting me hard.  All the energy I had from the morning was gone and all of a sudden, I felt completely exhausted.  My body felt gross I felt like I was going to throw up, it came on so quickly.

For years I let these moments take over my thinking and my body.  Before I learned how to recognize and redirect, my thoughts would have quickly went to “what-if this” and “what if that.”  By the end of a day I would have felt lousy and exhausted.   It took over my thoughts and my health for far too long.  Now when it happens, I can generally redirect within a matter of 15 minutes or less.  And, this day was no different.  When anxiety creeps in try this:
  • Interrupt the pattern- I call “Bull-Shit” to myself.  Literally I will stop myself and say, no way this is bullshit, you are in control of your body and thoughts.  If I’m in a place with people I may not say it out loud.  And, if the curse word offends you, I apologize but this is my go-to.  For me by doing this, it completely shifts my thought pattern.   It stops the thoughts of anxiousness, worry and overwhelm.  Here is how I do it, focus on those dis-empowering thoughts and say to myself, those are bull-shit.  Then quickly…
  • Ask myself, “where's this coming from Jen?”  We know the answer when we take the time to ask the question.  In this moment for me, I let one of the emails from earlier in the day trigger me.  Once I knew where it stemmed from, I put perspective on that email.  In this situation, I asked myself if I was genuine and respectful in my response.   Then I reminded myself that my voice matters!
  • To calm my body, I did some box breathing.   Deep breathing has helped me immensely when I get anxious or with panicky moments.  It's as simple as breathing in 5 seconds, holding for 5, out for 5 and hold for 5 seconds on the outbreath.  I’ll do it as long as I need to calm my mind and get my body feeling right again.
  • Gratitude-I find something to be grateful for in the situation.  For this moment, I put focus on my gratitude for this person and my ability to feel and redirect. 
  • Finally, I read my intentions, a “mini-manifesto” of sorts.  Keep it in a notebook, on your phone, wherever but take time to make it and have it ready when you need it.  Remind yourself all of what is great about you, your strengths, how far you’ve come and build the vision for where you’re headed. 
Following these quick steps, in less than ten minutes, I completely redirected it and was back on track for the day.   I think back to the years before I learned how to manage myself and my mental/emotional well-being.  It impacted my health and happiness, there is a better way my friends.  It takes learning, work and focus but if you want it and you’re willing to focus on YOU, do it, you my friend are worth it.  

If these tips help you, please share them to others who may need it.  Together we can bring happiness to others!

Much love,
Jen

4 Comments

Under Construction...

6/15/2019

1 Comment

 
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Design your life my friends,
you have everything in you to live the life of your dreams!
-Jen Zahari

It's been a few weeks since my last post and I wanted to get all of you a quick update.  I am working to take my blog onto it's own site in order to bring you more tools, ideas and resources while making it easy to navigate.  Several more announcements to come over the next few months.  I'm over the moon excited about them my friends, it's been a long time in the works.  Stay tuned and thank you so much for all of the support you have given along the way.   I appreciate each of you!! 
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Pay Attention...

5/12/2019

8 Comments

 
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It's not the load the breaks you down, it's the way you carry it!
-Lou Holtz

Last week Saturday, we received some devastating news, a close family friend lost his fight and took his own life.  Within days, a couple people shared stories of others who lost their fight in the past week.  It is with the heaviest of heart that I am writing this post today.   Friends, life can get on front of all of us, I know I get it, I’ve been there.   But there is a way out of the negative loop and on the other side, life gets really good.  First, if you are ever struggling and need an ear or a nudge or a lift, email me, call me, DM me, I’ll listen and be there ear you need.  If you are ever struggling or thinking about taking your life call the National suicide prevention lifeline, 1-800-273-8255.

Many of you know I’m working to bring as much awareness to and make an impact on anxiety, depression and loneliness in America.   Often when someone is struggling, they are reluctant to tell other people.  Or, share their struggles.  Whether it be because the perceived judgment, feeling the need to be strong for others around them, or other reasons.  This is where we have a great opportunity.   We can recognize when those close to us are struggling and ask, question or intervene in some way.

It was about three years ago I found myself in my “darkest hour”.  Looking back, it had been coming for a while.  For years, I criticized myself in so many ways from my weight to public speaking and several things in between.  It wasn’t until I took the time to start learning about how our brains work that I realized the impact this had on me.   For basically 30ish years of my life I would look in the mirror and criticize my weight, whether I was 305 or 140 I told myself I was fat, YIKES!  Each time I would have to speak in front of a group I would “mentally prepare” by telling myself how nervous I was, WHAT!  Now you can imagine how that impacted the actual day of.  A ball of sweat, nerves, shaky voice and questioning everything I said.   In addition to all of this, I hold myself to high standards as it relates to how I show up in life.   As a mom, wife, employee, friend, daughter, sister, etc.  This further escalated my stress and anxiety. 

The years, decades, of criticizing and second guessing started catching up in my late thirties right into forty.  I tried telling myself it was just the impact of no thyroid that was sucking the energy and positive out of me.  Fact is, I wasn’t dealing with all the negative thoughts that had been living in my head for nearly forty years.   At this point in life there was a lot of discord from my relationships, person health, work, etc.  It’s interesting how you can see things when you look back that are not as easy to see in the moment.   I had so many signs.  I was overly emotional almost irrational in moments that I would have previously been able to shake off.  I remember a day at my brother’s house.   To protect the privacy of my family I will spare details.  Long and short, when my sister arrived at the house and I went to greet her with a hug and a smile she said something that set me off.  Thirty years of being treated like I was “less than” by her caught up and I lost my shit, in front of everyone.  I was so frustrated; it came out in a way that was completely unlike me.  I got Boe and left.  Tears, shaky, in haste and frustration.  Cried the whole way home.  You should know this is completely unlike who I am as a person.   For the most, I am a pretty patient person.  I was the grounded one.  The one who will address the tough things with tact and reasoning and patience.  The one who others could vent to and I would put in perspective.   The peacekeeper, keeping everyone together, talks to everyone when others are arguing, etc.   It takes a lot to get me worked up when I’m with my friends, family, etc.  At work, perhaps a bit less patient when it comes to expectations, accountabilities, etc. but still generally speaking not someone who would have reacted in this way, ever.

In addition to this moment, I started missing commitments with family.  I dropped off one of the committees I was on, those of you who know me best know I don’t quit, and commitments are super important to me.  I could keep going but I think you get the point, there were so many signs, at work, at home, with family, with friends.  I think because of the years of me being the tough, resilient one no one thought to question or ask if I was OK.  I truly had lost the will to keep going.  By the grace of whomever or whatever force had my back, I never acted on the thoughts I had in these moments.   I know the sheer power of being a mom and not leaving my son without was a driving force.  I’m very thankful that I am resilient, that helped me take my own steps of learning and digging out of where I was.  And, I’m proud to say, I am truly mentally and emotionally stronger than I have ever been. 
So, how do you know if someone is struggling? 

  • First, always remember everyone’s story is different.  If someone is struggling, please do not discount their feelings.  This could be that moment that they need you to listen most.
  • Extreme mood swings or emotional outbursts.  When this is out of character for them it is a good reason to question.
  • Showing signs of depression.  This can be a range of behavioral or physical changes including weight loss or gain, self-esteem, changes in daily behavior, or changes in energy level.
  • Significant behavioral changes such as withdrawing from activities, loss of interest in taking care of themselves, or use of drugs or alcohol are just a few to watch out for.
  • Taking about or making plans to get affairs in order.
  • Talking about suicide or talking about No future or “what’s the point”.  This one for me came out by being OK with whenever “it happened”. It meaning I no longer cared how many years I had left.   
  • Feeling Alone (loneliness).

Sources: Readers Digest, National Suicide prevention line, Mayo Clinic, Suicideline.org

I must stress again, if you ever have thoughts of suicide please reach out to the National Suicide prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255.

So, how can you stay mentally strong?  As I mentioned earlier, I had been tearing myself down for so long, it caught up.  If I would have sought out or recognized earlier, I could have prevented myself from ever getting to this point.  It has taken me the past couple years to “reprogram” all the years of negative.   To this day there are areas I am still working on.  Here are a few things I’ve done to help me.

  • Don’t go in it alone, get help, a close friend, family, coach, etc.  It’s a whole lot easier to put things in perspective when you have help.
  • Pay attention to how you talk to yourself.  When you hear the negative thoughts get really clear on what you are going to do to redirect those thoughts.  An example, when I was redirecting my thoughts about public speaking, I started telling myself how excited I am to have the opportunity to teach others. 
  • Practice gratitude, every morning, write down at least 3 things you are grateful for. 
  • Every morning when you get up, write about all the positive things you are.  Yes, every morning write your “I Am” statements. 
  • Write your “story”, what/who do you want to be?  How do you want to show up in the world?  Then ever night before you do to bed, read it, read it twice if you need to.  Make that story so very clear in your mind that you can see it playing out.  This is a great way to help your brain see the possible. 
  • Get really clear on your personal expectations.  What are you willing to tolerate for relationships, work, etc.  What is your line in the sand?  What are you not OK with?  An example of this for me was not using my voice in moments I really wanted to.  I compromised my own wants/needs, opinions and thoughts.  Everyone’s voice deserves to be heard. 
  • Meditate-Meditation is said to help promote emotional health, reduce stress, control anxiety among other things.  I tried several practices before pinpointing what worked best for me.  Just hop on YouTube, there are a plethora of free resources to try out.  Two of them I highly recommend are Dr. Deepak Chopra and Vishen Lakhiani.  

In addition to these there are several great books I’ve read and tips I have used.  If you ever want my book list, drop me a line.

You are an amazing beautiful being my friend, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break!  Tough times really don’t last, and you can change them.  You do you, amazingly you!

Stay well,
Jen

8 Comments

Be Uniquely You!

4/28/2019

2 Comments

 
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When I was a little girl growing up, I was audacious.  I remember being able to go up to and talk to anyone, everyone, unafraid.  Without thought or care of what anyone would think.  My sole focus was being me, making them smile and getting to know them.  I’ve always been a fan of people.  For a lot of my earliest years I don’t remember backing down from conversations or letting anyone ruffle my feathers.  It wasn’t until later junior high, when I really think back that I remember starting to second guess myself, but we’ll come back to that.  When I was young, I was that little girl knocking down every door to sell whatever it was at that time.  Girl scout cookies, fundraising for various things, and so many others.  If you said no it didn’t matter, I was moving onto the next.  I didn’t let it stop me, there was no not hitting my goals.  I was going to be the top in whatever the endeavor was.  I was definitely getting all the incentives that I could.  Yes, competitive even now.  I remember when my brothers or sisters had friends over trying to nudge my way into their conversation.  I wanted to be part of everything going on.  There was no leaving me out, if something was happening, I wanted to be a part of it.  I was a dreamer, but I was also a doer.  Big plans for my life.  When you think of that child in your life who has all the “big plans”, that was me.  I remember so vividly thinking, dreaming, imagining being in the spotlight.  I remember dreaming that I was going to be that girl that everyone remembered for making them smile.   I wanted people to know me, the real me.  I was completely comfortable with showing up and being seen!  

Then things shifted, back to what I mentioned earlier about later Junior High.  Actually, I gotta go back to fourth grade.  When I think, Jen, what changed, what shifted, this is where it first started.  I can’t quite pinpoint why, but I can tell you whatever is hiding in my subconscious can bring me to tears when I think about this time-frame.  This was also a time when I started having serious blackouts.  The doctor said it was a form of epilepsy.  Knowing now what I didn’t know then, I am not quite sure that that was it.   From this diagnosis, I was put on a medication called Depakote for about 5 years.  From fourth to ninth grade, I was taking a heavy dose of this twice a day.  It caused me to lose my hair and gain weight.  Now keep in mind I was already a heavy-set young lady, it never really bothered me until this time.  I’m sure the additional weight didn’t help.   Remember how I mentioned earlier how confident I was as a kid; this is when it started shifting.  I’ve always been very resilient and during these years, I started taking what others said and using it much differently, negatively.  I still had my swagger about me.  And, I still took a lot of risks, but the fear and anxiety made me second guess all the time.  I also started taking what other people said and letting it impact me.  Speeding up to ninth grade, I took a stand, dumped all my Depakote down the garbage disposal and told my mom, nothings wrong with me, I don’t need this stuff.  Best, most freeing moment, let me tell ya! 

In the years to come, I continued to have that little girl, audaciousness about me.  I have still gone after and worked my tail off for so many of the things that I wanted for my life.  I’m proud of the career I’ve build and achievements I’ve had but, there was so much unnecessary anxiousness and anxiety along the way.   I started listening to the opinions of others very differently than before.  I started taking them so literally that it shifted my desire to be “seen” as confidently as I use to.   I started looking at myself and thinking, “who do you think you are”, you can’t do that, urgh YIKES.  In many areas I held myself back.   Truth be told, my small business, this blog, the book I’m writing, and a few other things in the works have all been my dream for years, A LOT of years.  The thing is, we all get negative thoughts here and there.  We all have life fears but what you do with them when they show up is most important.  When you look at negative thoughts and don’t redirect, they can turn into second guessing, anxiety, depression even.  When you listen to other people’s opinions and believe them, it too turns into self-doubt, anxiety, it will hold you back! 

What’s your “thing”?  What is that piece that holds you back from being the amazing authentic you that you are?  It took me years to pinpoint it you guys.  It took me years of anxiousness in the front of a room.  It took me crying up in front of my college mates when I had to do a report in front of class the first time because was so afraid of being seen.  It took me years in boardrooms questioning what the team would say if I was just me and shared my honest real opinions.  Of course, I did all these things anyway but all the anxiety and stress and second guessing along the way was a strain on my mind, body, and my emotional well-being.  It held me back for far too long!   No one deserves to go through this pain!  Here is my stand, you my friend deserve to show up and be you.  You deserve to stand at the top of whatever you choose with the voice of confidence and belief in you.  It took me years of pain to overcome and I write before you today to say if I can overcome all of what I have, you can to!  Here are some things I used to overcome and get back that little girl, unafraid of showing up!
 
As Brene Brown writes, “Show up and let yourself be seen”!

  1. Books: Back in the day, I would read books here and there.  But over about the last year and a half, I became engrossed in my own development.  I found myself at a very very low moment in life and thankfully found some amazing resources to pull myself out.  Each of the books you can find on my site have helped in one way or another.  There are so many others.  I would recommend googling “best selling books for (fill in what you are looking for).   If you ever want recommendations on something feel free to email me at jenzahari@jenshappymail.com, I’ll send you my book list. 
  2. Podcasts: Whether you are looking to grow a skill, build confidence, etc.  Just hop on YouTube and there is truly something for everyone.  Find someone you connect with.  I believe we learn best when we find a way to connect to the “teacher”.  If you need any recommendations for this one email me be sure to include the topic you are looking for.
  3. Get very very clear on what you want.  Write it down with as many details as possible.  Personally, I do three things, I have a manifesto that I read daily about what my life looks like in 5 years.  Close your eyes and think about what you want your life to look like, then write it out.   Second, your goals, what do you want to accomplish, in the next month, year, two years.  Get very clear on these then define what it will take.  Finally, I write one page every single morning as soon as I get up.  Often times this one-page details who I am, how strong I am, how much I have overcome and what I am capable of.
  4. Get a coach: I cannot say enough positive things about having a coach in your life.  Whether you need a business coach, life coach, mentor of sorts.  There is are so many beneficial things to having someone provide perspective, help you work through things and hold you accountable.
  5. Be aware, be very aware of how you talk to yourself and get steps in place to redirect those thoughts.  There are a number of things you can do to help with this, just understand it takes work and time.  The more you practice redirecting the easier it will get.
  6. Just start, whatever it is.  Action has this interesting way of bringing clarity.
You can do and be whatever you choose in life my friends, this is your story, write everything you want into it!

Much Love,
Jen

2 Comments
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    Jen Zahari

    Supporter of people and growth.  I absolutely LOVE helping others see in themselves what I see in them.  We all have good in us, we just need a bit of help seeing it at times.  

    I'm a blessed and proud mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend and soon to be mother in law. I enjoy the outdoors, fitness, growth in many forms and challenging myself.   

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