Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt

This little word has held me back in so many areas throughout the years and caused so much anxiety.  Truth is, this one word describes part of why it took me so long to get started with Jen’s Happy Mail and this blog.  We have all heard the comments, “don’t compare yourself”, “be yourself”, “we love you just the way you are” and I’m sure a lot of others.   I’m here to say that anyone who has told you these things is exactly right, and they left out that fact that it’s freakin’ hard.  The voices sneak in and if you don’t catch them quickly, yep there is the rabbit hole of negative.  But, Why?  We are all truly better and more capable then we let ourselves believe so why do we let the accomplishments of others slow us in our tracks.  Yes, they are accomplishments, great for them for doing whatever it is they have done.  We have no idea what it took for them to get to where they are.  Let’s celebrate the wins that they have had.  We should start looking at this as a goal, a target, a “that’s my goal”!  So why do we do it?

Let’s start by looking at what comparison does.

• It robs us of our happiness.  That’s right I said it, when you compare yourself it often can cause anxiety, second guessing, cutting yourself down among other things.  Believe me I get it. I have to be actively aware, every day, of what my brain is saying so I don’t give into the self-critical talk. 
• It can rob you of your dreams and ambitions.  You guys I waited on the idea of Jen’s Happy Mail and all the other lines of business that I will be rolling out in large part because of comparison.   All of the negative self-talk would creep in, “I am not that good”, “How could I possibly compete with that”, “they have better resources”, I could keep going on this one but I think you get the point.   The comparison voice would start and it would end with me cutting myself down in the most horrible ways.  I heard the best statement recently and it rang so true, “You would NEVER talk to someone else like that, why would you talk to yourself like that?”  It’s true, I would never consider talking to anyone in the ways I talk to myself.  We need to be kind to ourselves.   
• It takes away from us showing our authentic selves.  This one took me years.  I have been in corporate America and leadership roles for a very long time and for many years I put on a mask.  I didn’t show up as my authentic self.  And what did it do for me, nothing, the answer is nothing.  First, it caused me a crazy amount of stress and anxiety.  This can have a huge impact on the body, emotions, thyroid among other things.  Some studies suggest that chronic stress is a large environmental factor that can cause cancer.  Friends, I am a survivor of Thyroid Cancer, and I absolutely believe that chronic stress and anxiety was a factor.  Disease after all is “Dis-Ease” in the body.  There are so many tools and resources to help in this area.  I know it’s hard but trust me when I say, you can reduce the stress and anxiety in your life.
•  It sets a poor expectation for our kids.  I am a proud mom to a now grown young man.  I’m not proud to say I cut myself down and criticized myself in front of him for most of his young years.  Had I of known then what I know now, I would have never spoken to myself like that certainly not in front of him.  His whole life, I’ve told him, “you can do anything you want with your life”, “you got this”, “be yourself”, “your amazing” and yet with all of these words, I wasn’t saying these same things to myself, Ugh…

OK, so we know the impact or at least some of the ways it can impact us, what can we do about it?  First things first, don’t stress yourself more about it, start shifting, small wins.   It’s all about progress not perfection.

• Recognize when it happens, awareness is key!  This for me is the first and most important piece.  If I can catch when I start comparing, I can quickly redirect those thoughts.  Determine on your terms how to put perspective on it.  We all work a bit differently.   For me, the thing that works best is to give gratitude to myself for being able to recognize it.  Directly followed by this is acknowledging the accomplishments of that person.  Great for them, they had to of worked really hard on to (insert whatever that something is here). 
• Put it in perspective, some comparison can be good as long as it doesn’t jump into envy or negative self-talk.  As an example, when I’m at the gym I will watch the other members who have better tone in areas I am working on.  I will pay attention, to some extent, what routines they are doing to help know what I should work on or research to get similar results.   This is also one I must be aware of.  I quickly remind myself of my personal goals.  I am a strong Type A person, I like to win and I like to get results quickly.  I put my goals and action steps in perspective along with what I am doing to get to where I want to be.  This helps stay out of the comparison zone.
• Be aware of your social media use and how it impacts your self-talk.  Know your triggers. This is so important.   I turn off posts and sponsored ads that tend to send me to comparison or self-doubt.  I stopped looking at my followers on Instagram.  This one fluctuates so much it’s easy to get a woot..woot… I grew my following by 100 then the next day down by 50.  Apparently, this is normal but trust me when I say if you are building a following and you struggle with comparison or negative self-talk, don’t watch it.
• Practice Gratitude for who you are, what you have and the accomplishments you made.  I recently read an article that gave well over 25 ways that giving gratitude is healthy and can change your life.  For me, practicing daily gratitude has truly changed me.  It has cut down my anxiety and stress.  It gives me patience with people I tend to be challenged by.  And, as crazy as it may sound, it gives me focus on my goals.
• Use it for motivation or inspiration of what you would like to accomplish.

It’s time to stop allowing all the great things you have done and great things you have to offer be forgotten or go unnoticed by the false expectations you are putting on yourself by comparing yourself to others.

 Always remember you are pretty freakin’ amazing!!  
 
In the good words of Jen Sincero, “You are the only You there is.  And you are the only you that will ever be”. 

Be who you are, live your truth and go after the thing you want from life.

Much love friends!
Jen