Matter of perspectives
Perspectives in communication are such an interesting thing. Let's just call it what it is communication and perspectives can be hard. Stephen Covey wrote, "Strength lies in differences, not in similarities!" As I write this post this quote rings oh so true.
I was getting ready for work on Friday, and my darling husband kept making comments. I'll spare you the details, but I recognized throughout the morning I was getting a little annoyed by them. I continued throughout the morning, not saying anything about it as I just wasn't up for an argument. We all have those mornings, you know the ones that the energy will just be enough to get you through the day. The end of a long week and what I was anticipating being a very long day ahead. The last thing I needed was a frustrating argument before I got to work.
I finished up getting ready, gave my lovely husband a hug and a kiss and got on the road to work. On this day I was headed to Milwaukee, so I had about 80 minutes of time on my head before I got to the office. I started rethinking the morning getting more and more annoyed with his comments. I think the thing that got me most was I felt that he wasn't listening to me at all. I knew in that moment if I didn't say anything, I would be stewing about it the rest of the day. So, I called.
He answered in his altogether hottie voice. I proceeded to explain how his comments made me feel that morning (again sparing you the details). In that moment, I heard his tone, the comments that came next made me feel horrible for a moment then loved, so loved. He proceeded to tell me, he was just making the comments he was as he thinks I am so very beautiful and oh so good looking. He then went onto share that he wasn't trying to, "get anything" just wanted me to know how beautiful he thinks I am. Now ladies, after 20 years together I'm sure you would agree hearing these words from your husband would make your whole heart feel warm. It sure did mine. In that moment, my whole perspective and day was changed by one simple phone call. One brief conversation to better understand his perspective.
Consider all the times you didn't say anything. I don't know about you but for me all those moments have led to bigger arguments and misunderstandings that could have been avoided. Could this conversation of gone far differently, sure but either way, I would have been confident in knowing I used my voice to gain perspective. Don't assume you know what your partner, colleague, boss, etc. meant. Take a step back, think about the right approach then talk about it. You will be glad you did. A great approach I heard many times in the past and still use is this, when you said (fill in what they said), it made me feel (explain what it made you feel), or I took it as (enter in how you interpreted it) is that what you meant?
Always remember, starting a conversation is the hardest part, it may not always come out the way you want but the more confident you get the more natural it will feel. You will feel so much better and be glad you did!
Be well friends!
1/13/2020 11:38:33 pm
My mother always says that in a couple's argument, let the person who got angry first talk everything out. Now that I'm married, there are those moments that we have disagreements, but we never let it sit overnight. During the heat moment of the argument, one or the other will always give way and we talk about it after we come back yo our senses. Couples should never let an argument ruin a perfect day, instead, they should rekindle their dating days. And never forget to have a couples night or go on a date once or every two weeks to remind, how much you love each other
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Supporter of people and growth. I absolutely LOVE helping others see in themselves what I see in them. We all have good in us, we just need a bit of help seeing it at times.